Foundation for Lasting Relationship

Many people assume that those who cheat lack love or moral discipline. In reality, many individuals who engage in infidelity do so not because they no longer love their partner, but because they cannot regulate their emotional pain.

Emotional dysregulation occurs when individuals struggle to manage distressing emotions such as loneliness, stress, shame, boredom, rejection, or insecurity. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) identifies infidelity, in such cases, as a maladaptive coping strategy — not a solution, but a temporary escape.

Affairs provide immediate emotional rewards: dopamine-driven excitement, validation, novelty, and the illusion of being desired. These feelings act like emotional painkillers. They numb distress temporarily but do nothing to heal the underlying wounds. Once the effect fades, guilt, shame, and further emotional damage follow.

This explains why many affairs feel compulsive rather than intentional. Individuals are not chasing love; they are fleeing emotional discomfort. Unfortunately, avoidance deepens pain rather than resolving it.

Healthy emotional regulation requires awareness, communication, and emotional safety within relationships. Couples must learn to express vulnerability without fear of ridicule or dismissal. Emotional check-ins, empathy, and validation create an environment where distress can be processed rather than escaped.

Infidelity is not emotional strength; it is emotional avoidance. Healing requires learning to face pain together rather than medicating it through betrayal.

Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi