Foundation for Lasting Relationship

Inspiring Human Connection That Matters

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  • Emotional Dysregulation and Infidelity as a Painkiller

    Emotional Dysregulation and Infidelity as a Painkiller


    Many people assume that those who cheat lack love or moral discipline. In reality, many individuals who engage in infidelity do so not because they no longer love their partner, but because they cannot regulate their emotional pain.

    Emotional dysregulation occurs when individuals struggle to manage distressing emotions such as loneliness, stress, shame, boredom, rejection, or insecurity. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) identifies infidelity, in such cases, as a maladaptive coping strategy — not a solution, but a temporary escape.

    Affairs provide immediate emotional rewards: dopamine-driven excitement, validation, novelty, and the illusion of being desired. These feelings act like emotional painkillers. They numb distress temporarily but do nothing to heal the underlying wounds. Once the effect fades, guilt, shame, and further emotional damage follow.

    This explains why many affairs feel compulsive rather than intentional. Individuals are not chasing love; they are fleeing emotional discomfort. Unfortunately, avoidance deepens pain rather than resolving it.

    Healthy emotional regulation requires awareness, communication, and emotional safety within relationships. Couples must learn to express vulnerability without fear of ridicule or dismissal. Emotional check-ins, empathy, and validation create an environment where distress can be processed rather than escaped.

    Infidelity is not emotional strength; it is emotional avoidance. Healing requires learning to face pain together rather than medicating it through betrayal.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • Beyond the Honeymoon: Finding Magic in the Mundane

    Beyond the Honeymoon: Finding Magic in the Mundane


    In the early stages of a relationship, everything feels exciting—every conversation sparkles, every gesture feels meaningful, and every moment seems wrapped in romance. This “honeymoon phase” brings a natural high, making love feel effortless and extraordinary. But as time passes and life settles into routines, the excitement can fade. Familiarity replaces novelty, responsibilities multiply, and the magic may feel harder to find. Yet lasting love isn’t sustained by constant excitement—it thrives in the quiet, consistent rhythm of daily life. The true beauty of a long-term relationship lies not in grand gestures but in the ability to find magic in the mundane.

    When romance shifts from fireworks to warm, steady embers, partners have an opportunity to explore a deeper kind of love—one rooted not in novelty but in presence, appreciation, and intention. Ordinary life provides countless small moments that, when noticed, become threads of intimacy: a shared morning cup of tea, folding laundry together, exchanging a smile across a busy room, or simply sitting side by side in comfortable silence. These moments may seem insignificant, but they form the emotional fabric that strengthens a relationship over time.

    Finding magic in the mundane begins with mindfulness—being fully present with your partner even in routine tasks. When two people pay attention to each other, even everyday interactions become opportunities to connect. A gentle touch on the shoulder, asking about each other’s day with genuine interest, or expressing gratitude for small contributions can transform ordinary routines into meaningful rituals. The magic lies not in what you do, but how you do it—together, with intention and care.

    Another key to maintaining romance through life’s routines is celebrating the “small wins.” Relationships often focus on major milestones—anniversaries, vacations, significant achievements—but everyday accomplishments are equally deserving of acknowledgment. Completing a tough day at work, overcoming a small challenge, or supporting each other through stress are moments that strengthen the bond. Recognizing these experiences keeps partners attuned to each other’s emotional world.

    Injecting creativity into routine also helps keep romance alive. This doesn’t require extravagant plans; even small shifts can refresh the relationship. Trying a new recipe together, rearranging a room, taking a spontaneous walk, or enjoying a simple date night at home can bring a sense of novelty without leaving the comfort of daily life. These moments remind couples that romance doesn’t disappear—it simply evolves.

    It is also important to nurture emotional intimacy. Regular communication—about hopes, worries, dreams, and everyday experiences—keeps the emotional connection alive. When partners continue to share themselves openly, they deepen the trust and closeness that make even the simplest days feel meaningful.

    Ultimately, beyond the honeymoon phase lies a richer, more grounded form of love. It is love that finds joy in the ordinary, affection in everyday routines, and romance in simple acts of care. When couples learn to appreciate the magic woven into daily life, they build a love that is steady, resilient, and beautifully real. In the mundane, they find not monotony—but the quiet enchantment of a shared life.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • Unresolved Anger and the Silent Revenge Affair

    Unresolved Anger and the Silent Revenge Affair


    Anger is a natural emotion. Suppressed anger, however, becomes toxic. When unresolved anger is left unaddressed in a marriage, it transforms into emotional distance, silent punishment, and sometimes revenge-driven infidelity.

    Unexpressed resentment creates emotional cruelty — not always through words, but through withdrawal. Silence becomes punishment. Affection is withheld. Emotional availability disappears. Over time, emotional connection erodes completely.

    Some affairs carry an unspoken message: “Now you will feel my pain.” These are not driven by desire but by resentment. Infidelity becomes a symbolic act of retaliation — an attempt to restore emotional balance through harm.

    Anger management is not about suppressing emotions; it is about repairing connection. Gottman’s research highlights the importance of repair attempts after conflict — apologies, validation, and reassurance. Without repair, anger festers.

    Healthy marriages allow anger to be expressed safely and resolved constructively. When anger is acknowledged and repaired, it strengthens intimacy. When ignored, it poisons trust.

    Infidelity rooted in anger is not about attraction — it is about emotional injury left untreated.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • The Invisible Labor of Love: Recognizing Emotional Work in Relationships

    The Invisible Labor of Love: Recognizing Emotional Work in Relationships


    In every meaningful relationship, much of what keeps love alive is not grand gestures or material support but the quiet, unseen emotional labor that partners invest daily. Emotional labor refers to the mental and emotional effort we expend to maintain harmony, connection, and understanding in our relationships. These efforts—checking in on each other, managing moods, offering reassurance, remembering important dates, or gently steering conversations away from conflict—often go unnoticed. Yet they form the foundation of intimacy and long-term partnership. Recognizing and balancing this invisible work is essential for sustaining healthy, fulfilling relationships.

    Emotional labor is often unevenly distributed. In many relationships, one partner becomes the “emotional manager”—the one who notices tension, initiates conversations, apologizes first, plans social engagements, remembers family obligations, or supports the other during stress. This person also frequently anticipates emotional needs before they’re voiced. While these acts may feel natural or rooted in personality, they carry an emotional weight that can become exhausting when not reciprocated or acknowledged.

    The challenge with emotional labor is its invisibility. Because it happens quietly and continuously, the partner who benefits from it may not realize the effort being made. Over time, the imbalance can lead to burnout, resentment, or emotional fatigue for the partner carrying the burden. They may feel taken for granted or responsible for maintaining the emotional stability of the relationship. When one person becomes the caretaker and the other the cared-for, the sense of partnership can slowly erode.

    Recognizing emotional labor begins with awareness. Partners need to observe the everyday acts that contribute to the relationship’s well-being: Who initiates difficult conversations? Who organizes family commitments? Who comforts during conflict? Who notices when something is wrong? By identifying these patterns, couples gain clarity about the emotional responsibilities being carried silently.

    Communication plays a crucial role in balancing emotional labor. Conversations about feelings, expectations, and emotional needs must be open, honest, and non-accusatory. A productive dialogue might begin with: “I feel like I’m often the one who has to keep us emotionally connected. Can we share this responsibility more evenly?” Such conversations shift emotional labor from an invisible duty to a shared commitment.

    Balancing emotional responsibilities also means learning new emotional skills. A partner who is less expressive may need to practice openness, active listening, or initiating conversations. Meanwhile, the partner who typically carries the emotional load may need to practice letting go of control and trusting the other to step in. These adjustments take effort but create a healthier dynamic where both partners contribute to maintaining intimacy.

    Importantly, emotional labor should be appreciated—not taken as a given. Genuine appreciation can transform the emotional climate of a relationship. A simple “Thank you for noticing when I’m stressed” or “I appreciate how you keep us connected” validates the unseen efforts and strengthens mutual respect.

    Ultimately, the invisible labor of love is what turns relationships into safe havens. When both partners recognize, value, and share emotional responsibilities, intimacy deepens. Love becomes not just a feeling but a collaborative effort—seen, balanced, and cherished.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • Something on My “To-Do List” That Never Gets Done

    Something on My “To-Do List” That Never Gets Done


    Everyone keeps a mental or written to-do list. Some items are practical—pay bills, answer emails, finish projects. Others are personal promises we quietly make to ourselves. On my own list, there is one simple, meaningful task that keeps moving to tomorrow: saying my prayers early in the morning and again before going to bed.

    Every night I tell myself, “Before sleeping, I will pray properly.” Every morning I promise, “Tomorrow I will start the day with prayer.” Yet somehow, the day rushes in and the night slips away before I remember. What should take only a few peaceful minutes becomes the most postponed duty on my list.

    In the morning, the mind wakes up already crowded. Thoughts of work, family responsibilities, messages, and unfinished plans begin marching in before I even leave my bed. Instead of pausing to thank God for a new day, I reach for the phone, check the time, and prepare for tasks waiting ahead. I tell myself that I will pray later, perhaps after breakfast. But once the day begins moving, it does not slow down for silent moments.

    At night, the story repeats itself. By the time I lie down, my body is tired but my mind is still noisy. I scroll through memories of the day, worries about tomorrow, and small regrets of what I failed to do. Prayer feels important, yet sleep feels urgent. I whisper, “Just today I’m tired,” and close my eyes without offering the few words of gratitude, repentance, and trust that my heart really needs.

    What makes this unfinished task painful is that prayer is not a burden. It is meant to be comfort. It is not work; it is rest for the soul. When I do manage to pray, I notice a difference. My thoughts become calmer, my fears smaller, and my gratitude stronger. Prayer reminds me that I am not carrying life alone. Yet, ironically, I postpone the very thing that could lighten my emotional and spiritual load.

    The real reason this item stays unfinished is not lack of time, but lack of discipline. We always find time for what we value most. If I can spend minutes checking messages, watching videos, or planning tomorrow, surely I can spend a few minutes speaking to God. My to-do list is full, but my heart knows what should come first.

    Perhaps the lesson hidden in this never-done task is simple: prayer should not wait for perfect conditions. It belongs in ordinary, imperfect moments—before the world distracts me in the morning and before sleep steals me at night.

    One day, I hope this forgotten item finally moves from my to-do list to my daily habit. Because when prayer becomes routine, life itself becomes lighter, clearer, and more meaningful.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • Communication Breakdown — When Needs Become Secrets

    Communication Breakdown — When Needs Become Secrets


    When couples lose the ability to communicate safely, emotional needs turn into secrets. Silence replaces honesty. Fear replaces vulnerability. Yet unmet needs do not disappear; they search for listeners.

    When partners cannot express feelings without being dismissed, mocked, or misunderstood, they stop trying. Emotional safety collapses. Conversations become shallow. Intimacy fades.

    Many affairs begin with emotional disclosure — not physical attraction. A message. A conversation. A sense of being heard. Gradually, emotional intimacy shifts away from the marriage.

    Attachment theory emphasizes emotional safety as the foundation of commitment. When partners feel emotionally safe, loyalty grows naturally. When they do not, emotional bonds weaken.

    Preventing infidelity requires intentional communication habits: listening without judgment, validating feelings, and responding with empathy. Emotional safety is not optional; it is essential.

    Infidelity is rarely sudden. It is the final step in a long process of emotional disconnection. Rebuilding marriages means rebuilding communication — one honest conversation at a time.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • Choosing Each Other Daily: The Practice of Recommitment

    Choosing Each Other Daily: The Practice of Recommitment


    In a world where relationships are often romanticized as effortless bonds sealed by vows, promises, or grand declarations, the truth is far more nuanced. Lasting relationships are not sustained by a single moment of commitment but by countless small decisions made every day. Choosing each other daily—through presence, patience, and intention—is the quiet but powerful practice that strengthens love over time. Recommitment is not a one-time event; it is a continuous journey that keeps a relationship vibrant, resilient, and deeply connected.

    When two people enter a relationship, they often do so with hope and confidence. But after the excitement fades and life introduces challenges—stress, disagreements, fatigue, changing priorities—the real work begins. Recommitment means consciously deciding to invest in the relationship despite these realities. It involves choosing understanding over ego, dialogue over silence, and collaboration over conflict. This daily choice is what transforms love from emotion into action, making it strong enough to endure the shifts of life.

    One of the most profound aspects of recommitment is accepting imperfection—both in oneself and in one’s partner. No relationship is free from flaws or difficult moments. People change, circumstances shift, and expectations evolve. Recommitment acknowledges this reality and embraces the idea that love requires ongoing effort. Instead of seeing difficulties as signs of failure, partners who practice recommitment approach them as opportunities to grow together. This mindset strengthens resilience and deepens emotional intimacy.

    Recommitment also involves nurturing the relationship intentionally. Relationships can wither when taken for granted, even in the absence of conflict. Simple acts—sharing a conversation at the end of the day, offering encouragement, showing appreciation, spending quality time—become daily affirmations of love. These gestures may seem small, but over time they create a foundation of emotional security and closeness.

    Communication is another essential element of choosing each other. This includes expressing needs clearly, listening with empathy, and resolving misunderstandings before they grow into distance. Recommitment encourages partners to check in with each other regularly, ensuring that the relationship remains aligned with shared values and evolving aspirations. When communication becomes habitual rather than sporadic, it prevents small disconnects from turning into larger emotional gaps.

    Forgiveness also plays a vital role in daily recommitment. No matter how loving, every relationship experiences moments of disappointment or hurt. Choosing each other daily means choosing forgiveness—letting go of past grievances to make room for future connection. Forgiveness is not forgetting the hurt but prioritizing love over resentment, allowing the relationship to move forward with renewed strength.

    Ultimately, recommitment is about presence. It is the willingness to show up emotionally, mentally, and physically—even on hard days. It is the decision to weather storms together rather than alone. It is the recognition that love is not static but dynamic, requiring consistent attention and care.

    In essence, lasting relationships are built not on one promise but on thousands of choices. Choosing each other daily turns commitment into a living, breathing expression of love. It is this steady, intentional recommitment that transforms relationships into lifelong partnerships grounded in trust, devotion, and unwavering connection.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • My First Computer – APPLE (1984–1985) Macintosh 128K

    My First Computer – APPLE (1984–1985) Macintosh 128K


    My first real encounter with a personal computer came in the mid-1980s, when the world was only beginning to understand what “computing” meant for ordinary people. It was the legendary Apple Macintosh 128K, released in 1984, and owning one during 1984–1985 felt like stepping into the future. At a time when most offices still relied on typewriters and carbon paper, the Macintosh quietly announced that a new era had arrived.

    The Macintosh 128K looked modest compared to today’s machines, yet it was revolutionary. It came in a compact beige case with a built-in nine-inch black-and-white screen, a keyboard, and the strange new device called a mouse. Many people had never seen a mouse before. Instead of typing commands, we could point, click, and drag. This simple idea changed everything. For the first time, a computer felt friendly rather than intimidating. The smiling “Hello” that appeared when it booted up made it feel almost human.

    With only 128 kilobytes of memory, the machine demanded patience and creativity. There was no hard drive. Everything ran from 3.5-inch floppy disks, which held just 400KB. Swapping disks became a normal ritual: one for the system, another for the program, and sometimes another for saving work. Yet within those limits lived powerful tools like MacWrite and MacPaint. MacWrite turned the computer into a smart typewriter, while MacPaint opened a small artistic world where drawing with a mouse felt magical. For someone used to pen and paper, this was nothing short of astonishing.

    Learning the Macintosh was an adventure. There were no online tutorials or YouTube videos. We learned by experimenting, making mistakes, and discovering features by accident. Each beep, freeze, or error message taught a lesson. I remember the excitement of seeing text appear on the screen instantly, editing without erasing, and printing clean pages that looked professional. It felt as though ideas could flow faster because the machine removed many physical limits of writing and design.

    More than just a tool, the Macintosh 128K shaped the way I thought. It introduced me to logic, structure, and digital creativity. It showed me that technology was not only for engineers but also for writers, designers, and ordinary people. In many ways, that little box planted the seed for how I later approached work, communication, and even storytelling.

    Looking back, my first computer was slow, small, and simple by modern standards, yet its impact was enormous. The Apple Macintosh 128K was not just my first computer; it was my first window into the digital world. It taught me curiosity, patience, and the joy of learning something new. Even today, surrounded by powerful devices, I remember that early Macintosh with affection, because it was the machine that quietly changed my life and the way I saw the future.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • What Do I Enjoy Doing Most in My Leisure Time

    What Do I Enjoy Doing Most in My Leisure Time


    Leisure time is a precious gift, especially in the later stages of life when one finally learns to slow down and listen to nature. Among the many simple pleasures available, the activity I enjoy most in my leisure time is gardening. It is not just a hobby for me; it is a quiet conversation with the earth, a therapy for the mind, and a source of daily happiness.

    As seen in my small garden space, I take pleasure in arranging potted plants, nurturing flowering shrubs, and caring for greenery that transforms an ordinary home into a living sanctuary. Each pot tells a story. Some hold bright crotons with colorful leaves, others shelter hanging plants that sway gently with the breeze, and many carry herbs and ornamentals that bring freshness to the surroundings. I enjoy organizing them neatly, giving each plant enough light, water, and room to grow. Watching a once-weak stem slowly turn into a healthy plant gives me a deep sense of fulfillment.

    Gardening teaches patience. In a fast-moving world, plants do not rush. They grow in their own rhythm, reminding me that life too must be lived with balance. When I water them in the morning or evening, I feel calm. The sound of water touching the soil, the smell of wet earth, and the sight of green leaves refresh my spirit. It becomes a form of meditation where worries quietly fade away.

    Another reason I enjoy gardening is that it keeps me physically active without pressure. Bending, lifting pots, trimming branches, and cleaning the area give gentle exercise to my body. Unlike strenuous workouts, gardening feels natural and enjoyable. It keeps my mind alert and my hands busy, especially during retirement when meaningful engagement is important.

    More than anything, gardening connects me emotionally with nature. After years of travelling and working, I now value stillness. Sitting among my plants, I often reflect on life. Just like people, plants need care, attention, and understanding. If neglected, they weaken; if loved, they flourish. This lesson quietly mirrors human relationships too.

    Gardening also allows me to share joy with others. Visitors admire the greenery, and children are curious about the plants. It becomes a small space of inspiration, showing how even limited areas can become beautiful with effort and love.

    In my leisure time, many may choose television or rest, but for me, tending my garden is far more rewarding. It gives peace, purpose, and pleasure. Each leaf, flower, and hanging pot adds meaning to my day. Simply put, gardening is not only what I do in my free time — it is where my heart finds rest.

    If you like, Saviour, I can also make this more personal, poetic, school-style, or reflective for publication. Just tell me the tone you prefer. đźŚż

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi

  • What Do I Complain About the Most?

    What Do I Complain About the Most?


    If I am honest with myself, the thing I complain about the most is not people, fate, or circumstances—it is my own habit of trying to help others and ending up with problems and financial losses. On the surface, this may sound like regret, but deep inside, it carries a much deeper message about who I am, how I relate to the world, and what I still need to learn about balance.

    Helping others has always felt natural to me. When someone shares a difficulty, my first instinct is not to judge but to support. I offer time, advice, connections, and often money. I do so because I believe that life becomes meaningful when we lift one another. Especially when I see struggling students, friends in crisis, or families in need, my heart does not allow me to walk away. However, many times, this generosity has placed me in uncomfortable situations—unreturned loans, broken promises, emotional stress, and financial strain.

    So why does this keep happening? One reason is that kindness often ignores calculation. When emotions guide decisions, logic takes a back seat. I trust easily because I want to see the good in people. I assume others carry the same sense of responsibility and gratitude that I do. Unfortunately, the world does not always function that way. Some people accept help sincerely, but others take advantage of it. When expectations are not met, disappointment follows, and that becomes the source of my complaint.

    Another reason is that helping gives me a sense of purpose. There is a quiet joy in knowing that someone’s burden becomes lighter because of my involvement. Yet sometimes that joy blinds me to my own limits. I forget that I, too, have responsibilities, plans, and financial boundaries. Instead of asking, “Can I afford this?” I ask, “How can I help?” Over time, repeated sacrifices without protection turn into losses, and losses turn into frustration.

    But behind my complaint lies a hidden message: it is not wrong to help, but it is dangerous to help without wisdom. My experiences are teaching me that generosity must walk alongside discernment. True kindness does not mean saying yes to everyone. It means knowing when to say no without guilt. It means helping in ways that do not destroy my own stability. If I collapse under the weight of others’ problems, I become unable to help anyone at all.

    There is also a deeper personal lesson. My complaint reveals that I sometimes seek validation through service. I want to be useful, needed, and trusted. While these are noble desires, they should not push me into neglecting myself. The hidden message is clear: self-respect is as important as compassion. I must value my own time, energy, and finances as much as I value the struggles of others.

    In conclusion, what I complain about the most—helping others and falling into problems—is actually a quiet teacher in disguise. It reminds me to balance heart with mind, generosity with boundaries, and kindness with self-care. Helping others is a beautiful habit, but helping wisely is what turns good intentions into lasting good.

    Saviour Shanthalal Hettiarachchi