How to get out of an extramarital affair?

Being married while having another relationship is one of the most complicated and exhausting experiences a person can face. At first, it may seem harmless or even necessary. You might have felt lonely, misunderstood, or stuck in conflict with your spouse. In that vulnerable moment, another person offered comfort, attention, or excitement — and you gave in.

But over time, what once felt like relief begins to weigh you down. Many people later realize that what keeps them tied to the affair is not genuine love, but a powerful emotional and physical addiction. And breaking free from that addiction is far from easy.

So, how do you actually let go of an extramarital affair?

Step 1: Look Back at Why It Began

Pause and think carefully about your mental state before the affair started. What struggles or emptiness were you dealing with? How did you feel then compared to now? In the beginning, the relationship might have made you feel happier or more alive. But in the long run, it often brings more stress than comfort.

You may notice that your work performance has slipped, your financial progress has slowed, or your focus has weakened. Many people who get involved with someone in their workplace also experience declining career growth, as the secrecy and tension spill into their professional life.

Step 2: Think About Your Family

Even people with loving, supportive families sometimes step into affairs. But ask yourself: What would happen if my spouse found out? Imagine their heartbreak. Imagine the disappointment in your children’s eyes. Affairs don’t just hurt you — they tear at the respect, trust, and love within your family.

Step 3: Recognize the Power of Physical Bonds

One of the hardest ties to break is the sexual connection. Many people admit: “It started because of stress, but once it became physical, I couldn’t stop.” If that’s your reality, the way out is gradual detachment. Slowly reduce the physical intimacy, and the emotional pull will weaken over time.

Step 4: Face the Truth About Your Heart

Here’s something many discover in counseling: deep down, most people value their spouse more than the person in the affair. When asked if they would divorce and marry the other person, the answer is almost always a clear no. This shows that, even if you don’t fully realize it, your heart gives more space to your legitimate partner than to anyone else.

Step 5: Choose Peace Over Turmoil

Finally, take a hard look at your life since the affair began. Has your happiness truly grown, or have stress, guilt, and secrecy replaced it? If you once had a good marriage, supportive children, and peace of mind, remember what’s at stake.

At the end of the day, the goal of life is not fleeting pleasure — it’s lasting mental and emotional well-being. Be brave enough to walk away from anything that steals your peace. By ending the affair, you not only protect your marriage and family but also restore your dignity and inner strength.